The Questionnaire

Where will you be in 10 years? Almost finished with these questions.

What are you doing these days?
My new special, “Stinky Flowers” is being shopped around. Part of it was animated, so I’m hoping to live out the rest of my life as a “Toon”.

What turns you on creatively?
There’s a little spot on my neck…oh, wait…”creatively”…nevermind.

If you were a mind-reader whose mind would you like to read?
My husband’s. Then I could stop asking him, “What ‘cha thinking?” all day long.

If you could travel in time, which era would you visit?
The 1940’s. I hear “facial mugging” was really big back then. AND fashion loved small-waisted, big-bottomed girls.

What is your favorite sound?
The sound of my sons chewing on anything crunchy.

What is the album or song that influences you the most?
Bill Cosby’s “Parenthood” album.

Who would you like to collaborate with? And why?
Brian Regan. Because he makes me laugh so hard I pee a little.

What drives you crazy?
When women don’t use the paper towel they dried their hands with to wipe off the counter around the sink.

What makes you laugh?
”America’s Funniest Home Videos” but don’t tell anyone.

If you had 3 wishes what would they be?
1. Children don’t get cancer.
2. Children don’t get cancer.
3. Children don’t get cancer.

What is the craziest thing you ever did?
I got crushed in the mosh pit at the very first Lollapalooza concert during Nine Inch Nail’s set. The bass player rescued me by pulling me on stage. Then he carried me in his arms back to the green room. The crazy part? I didn’t sleep with him.

What makes you feel embarrassed?
Shopping in the mall for 4 hours then heading back to my car to notice in the rear view mirror that I have a perfect ring of chocolate from the corners of my mouth, up and over my nose from the Frappacino I drank on my way to the mall.

What are your favorite web-sites (not including the ones that you are participate in)?
www.etsy.com because I can buy homemade gifts and tell people I made them.

What is the silliest thing you have ever done?
Auditioned for the Broadway play “Starlight Express”. The silly part? I sang “She-Bop” by Cyndi Lauper.

How would you make the world a better place?
Replace religion with “Just be good for goodness sake”.

What is your biggest weakness?
Physically – my quads
Emotionally – my quads

Where will you be in 10 years?
Almost finished with these questions.

Write a question that you like to ask yourself and answer it.
Why do you keep paying for a gym membership you don’t use?
Shut up and mind your own business.

Who would you like to answer that Questionnaire?
My therapist.

Associations
Love – means never having to say you’re sorry. Divorce means you believed this stupid saying.
Death – by chocolate
God – Dog spelled backwards
TV – Sounds like TB but way less coughing.
Family – Ties. Great show from the 70’s
Politics – Kept me from getting the lead in my high school play.
Internet – Dating. Something you shouldn’t do if you’re married.
Happiness – DVR didn’t cut off last minute of “Biggest Loser”
Fame – Irene Cara’s one-hit-wonder
Comedy – has kept me from getting a real job.
Maryellen Hooper – has left the building.

Maryellen Hooper is a comedian, she is currently on tour.

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